Life Surfin'

So last week I didn't really check in here or write at all. There are a few reasons for that. First and foremost, I got a new kitten named Boo (short for Boo Radley, for those interested). I took a few days off of work to take care of him and get him accustomed to life in my apartment, and my boyfriend has been staying here to help me out as Boo is my first cat. Between my two boys, I've been busy. It's funny though how I'm starting to see things in a different way, even when I'm not trying to.

I've been catching my boyfriend up on old episodes of Dexter and True Blood (two of my favorites), so we've been switching back and forth between the two. One episode of this, a couple of that, etc. when we start to get bored. We do this a lot. Not he and I, specifically, but people in general. My mother can't just watch one show. She'll pick two or three, and flip back and forth during the commercials. This practice isn't horrible. It's perfectly innocent, and understandable. But I can't help but draw the parallel of people who "channel surf" in real life.

We all know someone like this. One thing isn't enough. In the way that another show on another channel might be more interesting, another job/relationship/location might prove more fulfilling. This person can jump from thing to thing looking for total fulfillment, or at least freedom from boredom.

There are a few important things to note here. First of all, when you switch TV shows like that in the middle, you never get the timing just right. You always miss something. You miss the first couple of minutes after the commercials cut off, and you have to try and figure out what's missing. When you're constantly bouncing around in your life, I would imagine it's hard to have any feelings of continuity.

On another note, there's something voyeuristic about channel surfing. You essentially get to drop in on other people lives as an outsider and watch things unfold. And then when you get bored, you go check in somewhere else.

The whole thing also makes me wonder what the fascination is. What are we searching for? Are our own feelings of inadequacy driving us to live vicariously through images on our televisions? Are we longing to feel a connection with a character, to identify, to see some of ourselves? Are we looking to fictional characters to give us answers on how to live our lives?

I know I'm out on a limb here. I know that channel surfing is not the gateway drug to living a life of running and escapism. It's TV, for fucks sake. But my mind has been going to some interesting places lately, this being one of them.

At the end of the day, the real question is: Why is the prospect of living our lives, our own lives, and seeing things through so terrifying? Your perfect ideal doesn't exist. It's not real. And even if it were, and even if you found it, something would be wrong with it.

Your perfect ideal is right now. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Right now is also your eternal hell. Every moment of every day contains both of these mutually exclusive states. How can that be, you ask? Because this moment is the only one that's real. Yesterday is contained entirely in your memory, and check my last post for my thoughts on perception and reality. Tomorrow hasn't been born.

You've got right now. It's perfect, it's hell, and it's yours.

Go live.