You know, as much as I love him to death (and I do), my cat can be a pain in the ass.
I use the term cat loosely here. He's a kitten. Boo is all of 6 months old, and maybe I'm just saying this because I don't have any, but he's like having a freaking child sometimes.
Boo is a notorious monopolizer of my attention. No matter what I'm doing, he wants to be on top of me, and he gets annoyed if I'm not paying total attention to him. Even now, if I didn't edit out all the gibberish on here from him walking on my keyboard none of you would be able to read any of this. He wants my focus, my concentration.
And is he that wrong?
We live in a distracted society. And that isn't to sound like some hippie buzz-word dropping nutjob who thinks technology has destroyed us all. 'Cause I'm not. I'm not placing judgment on it at all, it's just a fact. We, as a people, as a society, as a species, are incredibly distracted.
I'm a big multitasker. In school I always did homework while listening to music, because I "couldn't concentrate" if it was too quiet. I pride myself on my ability to drive a car, smoke a cigarette, talk on the phone, and eat a cheeseburger all at the same time. This is not a good thing. Now that I'm typing it it's actually slightly embarrassing.
Driving is the worst for a lot of people. Do me a favor, just for kicks. The next time you're driving anywhere, do not allow yourself to be distracted by anything. No phone calls, no listening to music or the radio, nothing. Just drive. Be present in the act of transporting yourself from one place to another. And if you make it longer than five minutes come let me know, because you're better than I am.
Our relationships suffer as a result of this distraction. When talking to the people around us, how often are you truly present in the conversation (as opposed to thinking about all the other things you have to do that day)? We're constantly in a state of processing an unbelievable number of things mentally, and none of them ever get our full attention.
This, in a nutshell, is why I suck at meditating.
I've never been great at slowing the chaos that is my inner monologue. Especially when things are going on in my life that I'm excited about. Right now I'm starting a new schedule at my job, and just began a new relationship. I have a lot on my mind.
Boo doesn't care. All that matters to him is this moment. He doesn't give a shit what's on TV, or what's going on in my life. He cares about what we're doing right now, and the connectedness of it. He doesn't want to just be near me because I'm warm. He wants to be close to me. He reminds me to take a moment to connect to whoever I'm with, to be present in whatever I'm doing no matter how trivial it may seem, and to live fully in each moment as it comes.
He's a walking, living, breathing mindfulness training.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Can You Hear Me Now?
My cell phone died.
No, I don't mean it's broken, just the battery died. I have no idea where my wall charger is, but I've been charging my phone through the USB port in my computer without issue for some time now. I have recently learned that apparently you can charge your phone through your computer if it still has some battery left, but if it's completely dead your computer won't give it enough juice to bring it back to life.
Why am I talking about this? Because it finally reminded me of the impermanence of everything. I know the connection is somewhat weak, but hear me out on this. By my battery dying, my cell phone transitioned from being more or less a lifeline to... well... a useless overpriced hunk of plastic. This transition happened in minutes.
It also got me thinking about the meaning we assign to things. When my phone is working, I value it greatly. I use it to keep in contact with my parents and friends, check my work email when I'm not there, listen to music, and pure pointless entertainment as well. It means a lot to me to be able to do this. When it's not working, it's still the same phone. It's physical properties haven't changed, but I value it much less.
Why is that? I don't think I'm the only one here, and I'm not even still talking about a phone. Why do we, as humans, value things by what they can do for us? My job allows me to pay for the apartment that allows me to live independently with my cat who allows me to live alone without getting lonely which allows me to come and go as I please and do things on my own terms.... Get the point here?
Also, meanings are relative. I don't know of one person or thing in my life that exits in a vacuum. That's not a bad thing, it just speaks to the connectedness of everything. But really, can we please start to place meaning on things for what they are, rather than how they serve us? Constantly looking to people and things to do things for us seems like (in addition to using those people or things) saying that our lives aren't good enough. That we need this or that in order to be happy.
It's crap.
I don't need my cell phone to be happy. It's a convenience. That's it. I know that saying that right now means a little less, seeing as how I managed to charge my phone and it's all working again, but the point still stands. The panic I went through when it died was a pedantic tantrum, and nothing more. I still had internet here, I still had ways to contact people I needed, but it would have been less convenient.
As people, we look for the easiest, quickest way to get what we want. Sometimes we can't have it all like that. Sometimes we need to pull our heads out of our asses long enough to see that everything we need is right in front of us, but that doesn't mean it will be given to us. Nor should it be.
No, I don't mean it's broken, just the battery died. I have no idea where my wall charger is, but I've been charging my phone through the USB port in my computer without issue for some time now. I have recently learned that apparently you can charge your phone through your computer if it still has some battery left, but if it's completely dead your computer won't give it enough juice to bring it back to life.
Why am I talking about this? Because it finally reminded me of the impermanence of everything. I know the connection is somewhat weak, but hear me out on this. By my battery dying, my cell phone transitioned from being more or less a lifeline to... well... a useless overpriced hunk of plastic. This transition happened in minutes.
It also got me thinking about the meaning we assign to things. When my phone is working, I value it greatly. I use it to keep in contact with my parents and friends, check my work email when I'm not there, listen to music, and pure pointless entertainment as well. It means a lot to me to be able to do this. When it's not working, it's still the same phone. It's physical properties haven't changed, but I value it much less.
Why is that? I don't think I'm the only one here, and I'm not even still talking about a phone. Why do we, as humans, value things by what they can do for us? My job allows me to pay for the apartment that allows me to live independently with my cat who allows me to live alone without getting lonely which allows me to come and go as I please and do things on my own terms.... Get the point here?
Also, meanings are relative. I don't know of one person or thing in my life that exits in a vacuum. That's not a bad thing, it just speaks to the connectedness of everything. But really, can we please start to place meaning on things for what they are, rather than how they serve us? Constantly looking to people and things to do things for us seems like (in addition to using those people or things) saying that our lives aren't good enough. That we need this or that in order to be happy.
It's crap.
I don't need my cell phone to be happy. It's a convenience. That's it. I know that saying that right now means a little less, seeing as how I managed to charge my phone and it's all working again, but the point still stands. The panic I went through when it died was a pedantic tantrum, and nothing more. I still had internet here, I still had ways to contact people I needed, but it would have been less convenient.
As people, we look for the easiest, quickest way to get what we want. Sometimes we can't have it all like that. Sometimes we need to pull our heads out of our asses long enough to see that everything we need is right in front of us, but that doesn't mean it will be given to us. Nor should it be.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Reminders to Myself
I need to be sympathetic to people who cause their own problems, because I cause my own problems.
I need to tolerate those who lie, because I am a liar.
I need to be gentle with those who lose their temper, because I have lost my temper.
I need to be accepting of those who are immature, because I am immature.
I need to be OK with people who do not tell me their secrets, because I am hiding things from the world.
I need to help those who are sad, because most of the time so am I.
I need to forgive those who hurt me, because I have hurt others.
I need to be understanding with those who run away from their problems, because that's how I handle things too.
I need to be nonjudgmental with others, because I myself do not want to be judged.
I need to listen to those who need an ear, because I know they would do the same.
I need to be patient when people don't make sense, because most of what I say is nonsense.
I need to laugh as loudly as I can, so others may hear me and do the same.
I need to recognize that people wear masks, as I do.
I need to let people make their own mistakes, because I cannot shelter everyone.
I need to shelter those that I can, but know when to let them free.
I need to care for others, even the ones that don't care about me.
I need to be relaxed and calm, so that I may relax and calm others.
I need to not sever ties with those close to me, because I will regret it.
I need to respond to anger with love, tears with happiness, and stress with relief.
I need to understand, so that I may be understood.
I need to tolerate those who lie, because I am a liar.
I need to be gentle with those who lose their temper, because I have lost my temper.
I need to be accepting of those who are immature, because I am immature.
I need to be OK with people who do not tell me their secrets, because I am hiding things from the world.
I need to help those who are sad, because most of the time so am I.
I need to forgive those who hurt me, because I have hurt others.
I need to be understanding with those who run away from their problems, because that's how I handle things too.
I need to be nonjudgmental with others, because I myself do not want to be judged.
I need to listen to those who need an ear, because I know they would do the same.
I need to be patient when people don't make sense, because most of what I say is nonsense.
I need to laugh as loudly as I can, so others may hear me and do the same.
I need to recognize that people wear masks, as I do.
I need to let people make their own mistakes, because I cannot shelter everyone.
I need to shelter those that I can, but know when to let them free.
I need to care for others, even the ones that don't care about me.
I need to be relaxed and calm, so that I may relax and calm others.
I need to not sever ties with those close to me, because I will regret it.
I need to respond to anger with love, tears with happiness, and stress with relief.
I need to understand, so that I may be understood.
We Meet Again...
Well, I've really let this go, haven't I?
Now that I've sufficiently lost the small following I had there...
It wasn't intentional, I assure you, but it is a part of my pattern. I have a tendency to get *really* into something for a little while, then lose all momentum/motivation/what-have-you to continue. Over the past few months I have almost completely fallen away from this. Not just the blog itself, but sitting, the things I used to think about. It feels like regression, like I have to start over now. Slightly disheartening, but we'll see what happens.
Part of the reason why I'm back on here now is because I had nothing to do for St. Valentine's Day. A day that I truly do not like anyway. The only reason why those two are related is because all I did today was sit around in my apartment. I'm a big fan of relaxing, but an entire day of not really doing anything really got to me. It reminded me, on a much broader scale, of when I would sit Zazen.
With nothing to do, even if I had something on the TV eventually your mind can't help but wander. The things that usually distract you can only do so for so long before you're alone with your thoughts again. In sitting Zazen we remove those distractions, or as many of them as we can. We force ourselves to exist in a present moment.
It was honestly incredibly uncomfortable, and at some points pretty damn emotional.
But why?
Why is being in my apartment alone with my head such a bad experience?
I started thinking at some point about the amount of time we spend waiting for our lives to happen around us. In an average week, I wake up in the morning, eat something, and kill some time on the couch waiting until I have to go to work. When I'm at work, I wait until my shift is over so I can go back to my apartment. Then I wait until I get tired so I can go to sleep and start the whole thing over again. Where's the fulfillment in that? Life is happening around me and I'm holed up in my one-bedroom with the cat waiting for marvelous things to start happening to me! It's pointless, and a hell of our own making.
It is our responsibility to create our own life. If we get caught in a rut it's because we allowed ourselves to do so. It's such a common knee-jerk reaction to end up resenting the people or circumstances around us for the way our lives ended up, but it's ridiculous.
Don't like your life? Change it. All the moping in the world will not fix it for you. And realistically, your life is probably not as bad and boring as you think it is. Learning to appreciate the little things that come our way will help us in the long run.
Brad Warner in one of his books (I forget which one, sorry) said something to the effect of life is easier to appreciate when you sit Zazen consistently. When you're sitting there, your back hurts, you think there's no way in this world time isn't up yet, and all you want to do is ANYTHING other than what you're doing, you can even appreciate something as mundane as doing the dishes. Just a thought.
Hopefully I'll be able to stay consistent this time around. Here's hoping?
Now that I've sufficiently lost the small following I had there...
It wasn't intentional, I assure you, but it is a part of my pattern. I have a tendency to get *really* into something for a little while, then lose all momentum/motivation/what-have-you to continue. Over the past few months I have almost completely fallen away from this. Not just the blog itself, but sitting, the things I used to think about. It feels like regression, like I have to start over now. Slightly disheartening, but we'll see what happens.
Part of the reason why I'm back on here now is because I had nothing to do for St. Valentine's Day. A day that I truly do not like anyway. The only reason why those two are related is because all I did today was sit around in my apartment. I'm a big fan of relaxing, but an entire day of not really doing anything really got to me. It reminded me, on a much broader scale, of when I would sit Zazen.
With nothing to do, even if I had something on the TV eventually your mind can't help but wander. The things that usually distract you can only do so for so long before you're alone with your thoughts again. In sitting Zazen we remove those distractions, or as many of them as we can. We force ourselves to exist in a present moment.
It was honestly incredibly uncomfortable, and at some points pretty damn emotional.
But why?
Why is being in my apartment alone with my head such a bad experience?
I started thinking at some point about the amount of time we spend waiting for our lives to happen around us. In an average week, I wake up in the morning, eat something, and kill some time on the couch waiting until I have to go to work. When I'm at work, I wait until my shift is over so I can go back to my apartment. Then I wait until I get tired so I can go to sleep and start the whole thing over again. Where's the fulfillment in that? Life is happening around me and I'm holed up in my one-bedroom with the cat waiting for marvelous things to start happening to me! It's pointless, and a hell of our own making.
It is our responsibility to create our own life. If we get caught in a rut it's because we allowed ourselves to do so. It's such a common knee-jerk reaction to end up resenting the people or circumstances around us for the way our lives ended up, but it's ridiculous.
Don't like your life? Change it. All the moping in the world will not fix it for you. And realistically, your life is probably not as bad and boring as you think it is. Learning to appreciate the little things that come our way will help us in the long run.
Brad Warner in one of his books (I forget which one, sorry) said something to the effect of life is easier to appreciate when you sit Zazen consistently. When you're sitting there, your back hurts, you think there's no way in this world time isn't up yet, and all you want to do is ANYTHING other than what you're doing, you can even appreciate something as mundane as doing the dishes. Just a thought.
Hopefully I'll be able to stay consistent this time around. Here's hoping?
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